Patch Me Up

Over the last few weeks I've had a really hard time with my stomach with lots of abdominal cramping, loss of appetite, diarrhoea, blood etc, and to be honest I'm a little concerned about it.

Last night I was talking this through with a friend and we came up with a few possibilities, could  it be inflammatory bowel disease as suggested by one of my consultants? Could the shear amount of medication I take each day be wreaking havoc on my body? Could it be something to do with my bowel endometriosis? And that's when it hit me, the cold truth that I actually seem to fall apart a little more each year.

I liken my situation to that of a rubber tyre or some other form of inflatable, one that has been punctured on more than one occasion. Each time a new puncture is found, it's just quickly patched up with a puncture repair kit. In my case, every time I develop a new symptom or suffer the side-effects of a medication I'm taking, my doctors simply patch me up with a different medication. My sort of patch generally lasts a couple of months, or a year or two at best until things are re-assessed and another is applied (especially when it comes to hormone treatment for endometriosis). Unlike an inflatable though, after so many punctures, you cannot pop down to the shops to buy another me!

I'd be lying if I said that this revelation doesn't scare me, sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by it all. How many more punctures does a girl have to endure?! At the moment my mind just cannot comprehend being like this every day for the rest of my life, and to be honest I don't think it ever will. I can only ever think so many weeks ahead or I end up over thinking things and get caught up in "analysis paralysis" and my thoughts begin to snowball. I very much doubt that a cure for my conditions will be found anytime soon, but I live in hope that there will at least be a better patch.

A Little About Me...

Hello, I'm Emma, a 20-something year old PhD student trying to live with interstitial cystitis (IC), endometriosis, adenomyosis, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), depression and anxiety.

I was first diagnosed with IC in 2009 and the grand old age of 21. It took over a year of severe pain, numerous trips to the loo and lots of complaining to get my diagnosis. However, it can take up 10 years on average for an IC patient to get the confirmation they need, so I'm very lucky! Following that I had a laparoscopy in to confirm the diagnosis of endometriosis. After my second laparoscopy in 2010 to remove endometriosis and adhesions I was told that I have adenomyosis. In the same year I was also diagnosed with IBS, CFS and generalized chronic back and pelvic pain.

My Illness Picture

Within the space of 3 years my whole world has been turned upside down. It didn't help that all of this kicked off whilst trying to get through my 3rd and 4th year of my undergraduate studies! I ended up taking a year out of my masters year to try to figure things out and to give me more time to finish my research project. I'm not good at admitting defeat, and having to move back in with my parents was a hard decision. I really felt like I had lost my independence and a sense of purpose.

Over the last 10 months I've tried so hard to turn this around and last summer I graduated with a 1st class masters in geology. I also learnt to drive and I have recently moved 250 miles away from home to start my PhD...! I'm still in pain, I still take 28 tablets a day and I still have all the side-effects that come with it, but I have something to focus on again.

I hope that my ramblings may be of use to someone else who is suffering from chronic pain and illness, and help non-sufferers to understand what it is like to experience pain on a daily basis. I myself have found comfort in reading other peoples blogs and connecting with those who suffer from the same conditions.

x Emma x